‘Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep

If I should die before I wake

I pray the Lord my soul to take’

Did you learn this bedtime prayer as a child? I think I must have. By the time my kids came along I was long gone from church and all its practices and I thought this was the most morbid prayer you could ever teach a child! 

I have the awkward privilege of caring about Michael. It is a strange friendship that always needs explaining. I have become his voice to bankers and detectives, lawyers and prison wardens. It is not something I care to do in my spare time. And I can’t see how it will possibly have a happy ending. But here we go.

 It started with a story. It always does, doesn’t it? You know the story; the one of the school shooter, who slipped in the front door of an elementary school with an AK-47 and a backpack full of ammunition and by the grace of God was talked into laying that gun down as helicopters circled overhead and swat teams reloaded their rifles. School shooters never live to tell their tale. Michael did. So someone needed to talk to him. That would be me.

My momma said she didn’t know why I liked my watermelon with salt on it. I thought it was our family thing… “Lord, no. I don’t know where you got that.”

 I dig around in my memory and realize whenever watermelon was involved, it came through the backyard balanced on the shoulder of Woodrow Bolding and was promptly placed in the pool to chill (that tells you a little bit about the temperature of that water). Later it was sliced length-wise into wedges and if you wanted, there were knives to cut your slice into little cubes of red juicy goodness and the tin salt shaker. 

I wonder if it is my metabolism… my heart rate… my extreme ‘southerness’. Or is it something so hardwired into me before I was born that will never be anything other than what it is?

I dilly-dally. I linger. I reread paragraphs in books because I want to soak up one more time the loveliness of the words. 

I eat slowly and slice my portions into tiny bits to make each taste last longer. And then there is the conversation – it can go on for hours, can’t it? My poor son-in-law has not figured out yet that coming over for dinner is a long, slow-moving affair. Or maybe he has…

The sun is stretching high into the sky, its light blinding and high already on this summer morning. White particles of dust float around me, reflecting the light as they dance between me and the dark leaves of the magnolias.

But looking longer, I realize they are not dust, but the tiniest flying insects, gifting me with morning entertainment.

The text comes in at 7AM. “Surgery today. Please pray.” 

My nephew’s wife stood hard and fast onto her brake, trying to stop her car as the car from the opposing direction decided suddenly to turn left into her path. The children in the back seat were okay. Her foot was broken like the egg in the nursery rhyme and the doctors didn’t seem to know how to put it back together again. Small town in Mississippi. Eleven days. Three surgeries. And the pain continues.

Lord, I do not even know how you have protected me. I am oblivious. Blind. Naïve. You gave us such limited sight and such hemmed in awareness.

We go through our days putting our hands on what is within arms-reach – completely unaware of the angel standing guard over us, sword drawn, eyes watchful.

They invaded the beach chairs set up next to ours – colorful birds chattering in their songbird voices. Five or six of them in their 20’s, a couple of youthful grandmothers, and a handful of babies and toddlers in tow. 

 In my world of film and video, we have something called ‘playback’. After the “Roll camera,” “Speed,” “Action,” and “Cut,” the director can say, “I want to look at playback before we move on to the next scene.”

And the video assist technician, the script person, the client and agency, and director will gather around the video monitor to watch the favorite takes ‘play back’. Heads will nod in agreement. Or occasionally we will decide we need one more take with some minor adjustment.

The sand would be cold in the morning, as I slipped my feet out of my flip-flops. The sky and the water and the sand blending together in shades of pale gray blue, waiting for the soon to rise sun to pierce through the darkness and bring it’s aquas and turquoises and brilliant shocking blues trailing behind it.

My friend Ann introduced me to Glyn Evan’s Daily with the King and most mornings as I read through the devotional for the day, some sentence he wrote will cut through my complacent spirit to find its mark. Here it is this morning: 

“Is there any greater sensitivity to human need than ‘God so loved the world’? The tragedy is that often we become harder toward people as we walk with God. If so, something is terribly amiss.”